Thanks to Daniel for pointing me to this excellent blog entry discussing Initiative 1 by a gay couple in Florida Ohio who has adopted four children. You should give it a read.

Arkansas. Where to start?

Having lived in Arkansas since 1991, I have sadly come to understand how “mentally backward” most of the population is here. To start with: there are HUGE Pentecostal, Southern Baptist and Church of Christ populations here. Many—if not most—towns have more churches than their population can even support. So, we know the “sheeple” don’t think for themselves and take their cues from the people leading their congregation (and obviously not from what is in the Bible).

Add to this religious “fervor” all the rednecks, hillbillies and other “white trash” that one thinks of when one thinks of the South and you have a good idea about the ideals of the population in general. Did you know there are still “sundown towns” here, many of which “host” various white supremacist groups. Even though the Husbear and I “blend in” with our tattoos and mean-ish looks, many of these towns are places even we won’t stop in if it can be avoided.

Obviously not all of Arkansas is like this. There are some small pockets where people are “normal”. Most of these pockets are the result of an influx of people from big cities in large states. More than likely, these small pockets here are also the cities that have what few gay bars and clubs there are in Arkansas.

I haven’t talked about many “political” topics on my blog, mostly because I am not very political by nature. I just tend to go with the flow of things. However, the hate formerly directed at people of other color is now being directed at people who are gay. (I say “formerly” but in reality it still exists—as was very evident by the verbal comments many people have expressed in the open with the results of this last presidential election.) While it may be a slight exaggeration that everyone is this way, it holds true for many.

The Husbear and I have three children, all from his previous marriage. While the kids are now technically adults, thanks to Initiative 1, I would never be able to adopt them if something happened to their mother and/or him to make them part of “our” family. Although technically we cannot be a “family” either since the Husbear and I cannot marry here due to legislation enacted during the 2004 election cycle that defined marriage in Arkansas.

I’m not sure where I was going with all of this other than to give readers an understanding of what life is like in Arkansas, and maybe why I expect this from from those living in this state. I am not saying it’s right. But it is the middle of the country, where all change is slow to happen.

It is hard to imagine that in the 21st century laws forbidding “rights” to a group of people would even be thought of—let alone passed—by the general population. But as the Husbear says: “it’s a matter of time.” For example, his grandfather didn’t believe in interracial marriage. That generation died off. The next generation, his father, “tolerated” interracial marriage. That generation is dying off. And like most of his generation, the Husbear doesn’t care who of one color marries who of another color because they know it doesn’t matter.

Change takes time. You can “force” change, but hate will be built up on the inside until it festers and a tragic backlash occurs. Time, and leading by example, are the counters to this build-up. It’s the only thing that has ever worked for me. Granted, I don’t know what those people I’m “friends” with actually say about me when I’m not around or how they truly feel about gay people. But they are at least civil when I am in their presence. Sometimes that’s all I can ask for.

This has come up several times in the last few days for me, so I take that as a sign to write about it.

I was adopted as an infant.

My parents thought they could not have children and after several years of trying with nothing to show for it, they opted to adopt.

All I know of my life before adoption is this:

- I was called “Baby Ambrose” by the sisters and nurses where I was kept;
- My first birth certificate lists no mother and no father;
- I was adopted through a Catholic Social Services center;
- The adoption records are sealed.

I was not told about my adoption by my parents. I found out about it on accident. As a preteen I was looking for my Social Security card and in the lock box with it was a copy of the adoption record. Let’s just say that discussion went “well” with my parents (the start of many…). I’m sure they had their reasons for not telling me, and at this point I don’t remember what they were or if they were even discussed. I haven’t asked again about it since then.

I once started down the road to find my biologicals. After discovering where the records where stored, I found out that both biologicals have to agree to have the record unsealed before I can be told anything. I would have to pay a large sum of money to start this process, with no guarantee or refund if neither biological wanted to remain anonymous. They also required a few months of counseling sessions before being told as well.

At that point I changed my mind. I’ve thought about it a few times—okay, more than a few—but just haven’t gone down that road again.

Sure I would like to know the answer to “Why?”, but is it really any of my business?

At this point in my life I am more interested in my medical history. What can I expect as far as genetic diseases and hereditary conditions? Hell, even how well do they age? Am I going to hit 40 my body just go “blah”? Is there a history of any kind of cancer I should be screening for now? All seemingly random questions that I think a lot of people take for granted.

And I’m curious about siblings—do I have a continuing blood-line out there or am I the last stop in my genetic lineage? Or a twin? There’s some speculation to that as well.

There are a few people who speculate that one of my biologicals is known to me already. Maybe time will tell.