First, happy whatever-it-is-you-call-this-holiday-time to you and those around you.

The Husbear and I (Xmas 2001)

I originally started the below post on September 13 of this year but never published it.

Until now.

My parent’s wedding anniversary was on September 7 and my brother’s wedding anniversary was on September 9.

I didn’t send a card or call either couple this year to acknowledge their “special” day.

I have been a little pissy the last few days. My apologies.

The Husbear and I have been together for over 11 years. Not once has anyone in my family acknowledged our being together as “a couple”, let alone our “anniversary”. One will occasionally inquire as to how the Husbear “is doing”, but it’s far from the norm.

Sure—we haven’t had a formal “tying the knot” ceremony. But one would think after any couple has been together for a decade, certain family members would at least acknowledge it.

Okay. I’m done. For now.

Or not.

There’s also a lack of coming to visit me (or us). I’ve lived in Arkansas since 1991. I’ve been visited by family members 3 times in the last 17 years that I’ve lived here—the last time being in 2003 for Xmas when my parents brought me a Bible with “don’t be gay or you’re going to hell” verses written on cards! Granted this is probably not a bad thing. No one really likes family hanging around, right?

What bothers me is I’m always asked “When are you coming down to visit?”. Why does it have to be me that makes the effort?

I’m dragging this draft out now because of this damned holiday (yes, I’m an Xmas hater…) and “happenings” similar to those mentioned above.

The Husbear and I received no holiday cards addressed to “us” from any of my immediate family members. No mention of him in any of them. Zip. Zero. Nada.

I know it hurts the Husbear when they exclude and ignore him. I can see it. And it has now started to anger me to the point that I do not want to have anything to do with my family!

I was purposely evil this holiday season and sent a card to my parent’s that had a HUGE “From the both of US” written on both the outside and inside of the card. (Trust me, it was hard to find one that fit my particular vein of evilness!) I’m betting the card did not go on public display for the rest of the family to see.

By the way, only one family member sent “us” a card—and he is a cousin who I really haven’t had much interaction with since we were little kids!

I know the “adult” thing would be for me to tell them my feelings and “how things are”. But thanks to their beliefs and organized religion I know where they stand—and they have said as much already.

Or do I just cut ties and wait for them to make the “first step” to mending the extremely eroded relationship?

The Husbear says I have to have contact with my family, and I know that.

I’m really not sure where to go from here….

Dilemma?

Wednesday night while working on a client at the tattoo shop, I received a telephone call from a family member. I only took the call because I thought it was an emergency due to the recent events with my father. This family member harshly accused me of something. Precisely—they accused me of stealing a large sum of money. This family member—being the wonderful “Christian” they are—apparently is of the “guilty until proven innocent” mentality. Is it any wonder I moved all the way from Florida to Arkansas?

I did not take this money, not that the family member seems to believe this. I would never steal (at least not intentionally) and more so I would never steal from my own family. However, I have no way to prove that I didn’t do this stealing of which I am being accused. I had opportunity—to which I was unaware—and as for motive? I have no “moral” character since I am both gay and have tattoos. Two strikes against me?

I see people being suspicious and thinking less of people who have ink that is visible to the public. I deal with it every day as both a tattoo artist and as a person with ink. I don’t really understand it at all. I know the history of tattooing. I know how different cultures see tattoos. I know where the American stereotypes come from. I think it is a stereotype that will take at least another generation to dissipate. I have tattooed what I consider the full spectrum of people: from people barely scraping by, to those who make more in a day than I will in my lifetime; individuals fresh out of jail having served their mandated time, to doctors and attorneys who probably should be in jail for doing things that would keep me up at night.

We are all human. Why do we lose sight of that?

Then there’s the whole being gay “issue”. It’s a little different of a “stereotype” to me because I believe people today have a choice to be tattooed. (Yes, there are probably people who choose to be gay, but I don’t think that is the norm at all. Just as there are people who have not chosen to get tattooed but where done so by force.) People fear and shun what they don’t understand or what they see in themselves that they don’t want to publicly admit to the world. Enough people have discoursed on that over time I will leave it alone for now.

Why as humans do we have to “isolate” what’s different: people of a different color; people of a different weight; people who have decided to decorate the outside of the “temples” they reside in. Why don’t we stereotype people who’s earlobes are attached to their face versus people have dangling earlobes?

As for my “two strikes” that my family sees—I don’t think that will ever change. Their brains are now trained and hard-wired to think the way they do. I went down to Florida to see my father when he had his heart attack for what could have been the last time. It now might just be.